Brexit Jokes: Round 1

All the jokes from the original Brexit Advent calendar...

  1. Good news for the packaging industry. Though shipping costs will rise, the price of red tape will plummet.
  2. With no more EU power restrictions, British vacuum firms can really clean up.
  3. With 90% of Britain’s fruit and veg pickers heading back to Europe, everyday is now a fun family day out at your local farm.
  4. What has the EU ever done for us!? Well apart from free movement, cheap labour, affordable holidays, a plentiful supply of wine, most of our vehicles, human rights...
  5. No one person should be able to jeopardise a country’s future. But Theresa May.
  6. Your E111 health card has expired. Skiing injuries now cost an arm and a leg.
  7. Did you hear about the MEP who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.
  8. Forget Bitcoin, the sure-fire investment for Britain is Pontins holiday resort.
  9. At least plastic in the sea is a boon to the British fishing industry. By 2025 all cod will be landed pre-packed.
  10. As the hefty divorce bill grows, negotiations have turned to deferring pay as an IOEU.
  11. As parliament despairs over a deal or no deal scenario, everything is riding on new Brexit minister, Noel Edmonds.
  12. This chocolate is from Belgium, this time next week, an exotic import destination.
  13. Back our national cheeses. Make Britain grate again.
  14. As EasyJet rolls out its new routes, Sunderland to Sunderland is proving to be a huge hit.
  15. Britain’s hot air balloon expect inflation to be a real boon to their industry.
  16. It’s time to start preparing for self-sufficiency by watching re-runs of the Good Life.
  17. Time to start looking at the bigger picture. This is going to do nothing to help our Eurovision scores.
  18. For fellow countrymen residing in Europe, Brexit has a worrying anagram: Ex Brit.
  19. Without EU law, we can have bananas that bend as far as we like, in either direction.
  20. Scunthorpe’s negative reaction to a second ballot was due to a spell check error. They famously hate all forms of structured dance.
  21. Britain wins naming rights over Gemmifera Buds. Brussels pouts.
  22. House prices in Torquay plummet as the re-homing program begins for Benidorm expats.
  23. Theresa May chasing the youth vote by rapping her political broadcasts. Corbyn claims hiphopcrisy.
  24. UK arrivals to be given worming tablets in confusion over new vetting measures.
  25. Child play centres to become VAT exempt at the expense of migrant worker shortages. It’s all swings and roundabouts.
  26. Blue Passport to have the option for stamping left or right depending on whether other countries like us or not.
  27. Marmite prices to soar. Meh. That’s the yeast of my worries.
  28. Channel Tunnel to house Britain’s surplus Imodium after airline price hike to Greece.
  29. The price of avocados is expected to rocket overnight. Spare a thought for hipsters, who will have to settle for just Smash on toast.

But that's not all... 31 more Brexit jokes await behind the windows of round 2 of Brexit Advent Calendar! On sale now.